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Making Thanksgiving dinner is often not as much a matter of what as of when and how. The menu is pretty much set. You’re going to have a turkey, and mashed potatoes, and sweet potatoes, and hot rolls. There will be some vegetable side dishes and a salad or two. For dessert you will have pie. Probably pumpkin. Probably with whipped cream. Now, that was easy wasn’t it? If you answer "yes" to this question, you are either male, or not a cook. Your best bet is to start searching around for an invite to someone else’s house for dinner somewhere along the Fourth of July.
Thanksgiving dinner involves planning. You can do it in your head, or you can write it out on paper. The first few times, it really helps to have it written out. By the time you have grandchildren, you will be doing all the calculations and checklists automatically and your daughter-in-law will think you are a kitchen goddess. This is a good thing. But to start with, go ahead and write it down.
There is an equation that you use to get the turkey out to the table in all it’s golden glory just at the right moment. If you don’t do your math, then you may have the world’s most beautiful bird sitting getting cold in the kitchen for three hours before your guests arrive, or you may have your guests sitting around in the living room eating cold olives for three hours after they had planned to sit down and eat. This is the real reason that you go to school to learn math. Actually, it’s an open secret among planners of Thanksgiving dinners that while Avicenna was working his way to fame with treatises on mathematics the whole idea really started just watching his mother plan a holiday meal.
So here’s the magic calculation. Are you ready? All you really need to know to start is how many people are coming to dinner. This is the one critical number, call it “p”. You will need ½ pound of turkey per person. If you want leftovers, figure ¾ pound. I never knew anyone who didn’t want leftovers, so let’s work with ¾ pound. If you are having 16 people sit down to dinner, you need to multiply 16 people times ¾ pound each and plan to buy a 12 pound turkey. If ¾ pound apiece seems like a lot, remember that a good portion of each turkey is bone. Also remember turkey sandwiches with lots of mayo and celery salt. So here’s your formula: Number of people eating ( p ) times ¾ pound each equals size of turkey ( S ). P * ¾ = S
Now it is nearly impossible to buy a turkey that weighs less than ten pounds. This clearly indicates that you need at least twelve people sitting down to dinner to make the meal a success. You had always wondered why people flocked together for Thanksgiving dinner. Perhaps you thought of things like familial love, warm friendship, convivial company. Now you know. All those years that Susan and Henry were inviting you over for Thanksgiving dinner and you thought it was because they liked either you or your squash casserole - nope, it was to make up their turkey numbers. On the other hand, it’s also nearly impossible to buy a turkey larger than 24 pounds. That means that 32 people is about the top number that you can feed even with a giganto mega-turkey. Since few homes have oven space for more than one turkey, it’s pretty clear what the range of Thanksgiving diners should be. These numbers are not mystical and they aren’t subject to sentiment, they are simply mathematical. When you finish sighing over life’s disillusionment, let’s go on to the next step. P =/> 12 and =/<32
The next thing you need to know is when you want to serve dinner. Turkeys take 20 minutes per pound to cook - that’s three pounds an hour. You will need to take your turkey out of the oven one hour before you plan to sit down at the table. You already know S, the size of your turkey. Now you need to determine T, the time when you will serve dinner. Your next formula goes like this (T-1) - (S/3). That’s dinner time minus one hour minus the number of hours the turkey needs to cook (which you figure as the size of the turkey divided by 3). So say you have a 12 pound turkey and want to eat at 3pm. 3pm minus one hour is 2pm. 12 lbs/3 is four hours. Your turkey needs to go into the oven at 10am. That means you need to start your dinner preparations one hour earlier at 9am.
Since all is dependent on this crucial time, once you set your dinner hour you must enforce it vigorously. Even if Aunt Martha says she can’t make it until an hour later. Even if Cousin John wails about the football game starting at the same time. Look at all the factors involved (football, travel time, getting Ellen to the airport) and set your time. Once set, and the meal preparations begun, this time is cast in stone and cannot be altered or amended.
I usually make Thanksgiving dinner for 25 or more people. So I usually have a turkey that is at least 18 pounds. That means that if I want to sit down to dinner at 3pm, I need to have the bird in the oven by 8am. Which means being in the kitchen dressed and ready to start the stuffing at 7am. This is one of the reasons that Thanksgiving is not considered much of a “holiday” by most cooks. But now that you have your basic turkey cooking timetable, we can begin talking about actually cooking the meal.
One hour is a pretty good estimate of the time it will take to do the first two tasks on your list - stuff the turkey and set the bread. Start with the turkey. If your turkey is frozen at this point, I suggest that you declare yourself a vegetarian and begin explaining to the family that your sudden and miraculous conversion involves celebrating Thanksgiving with a vegetarian meal of potatoes, squash, roast corn, and pumpkin pie. Assuring that the turkey is -not- frozen on Thanksgiving morning involves even more pre-planning. You can buy a fresh turkey. To do this you need to call the meat department at your grocery store about two weeks before Thanksgiving and tell them how large a turkey you want and reserve it. You then need to phone them at least twice more to be sure that you are on their list. Pick up the turkey on Wednesday evening and keep it in the fridge overnight. This, of course, necessitates cleaning out the fridge on Tuesday night, but you really wanted to do that anyway to make room for the leftovers. If you don’t want to get your turkey fresh, then you need to plan time to thaw a frozen turkey. Forget all the special instructions about thawing it overnight in a sink full of cold water. Just plan ahead and move it from the freezer to the refrigerator on Monday morning. Set it on an inch high stack of newspaper covered with a few layers of paper towels. This will catch the juice as it melts and save you from having to wash out the refrigerator on Thursday morning when you should be chopping onions.
Okay, back to the turkey preparations. You have your nicely thawed dead bird. Take off the plastic. Wash the bird in cold water inside and out (both ends). While doing this, you will find a little bag of giblets and turkey neck stuffed inside the bird. Put them in the sink and deal with them later. Once the bird is washed, salt the inside liberally. Then set Mr. Bird on a rack in a large pan. I guess we better talk about the rack. You can buy a turkey roaster, or you can just buy a rack and use it in a large oven pan. If you think that Mr. Bird is going to fit into that 9” x 13” brownie pan, then it’s time to go back and do the vegetarian thing. Your pan needs to be an inch or two wider than the turkey on all sides. And you do need to have the turkey up on a rack so that it gets nice and brown and crispy all over rather than having the bottom half just boiling in the turkey juices. The rack also serves to let you lift the turkey out of the pan when it’s done - leaving you access to all the pan juices. Once you have tried to lift out a well-done turkey from a small pan half-filled with juice - well, you’ll just go buy a nice rack for next time.
With Mr. Bird sitting on his rack and looking pale and wan, it’s time to start the stuffing. There are millions of recipes for stuffing, and I don’t care which one you use as long as you remember to make it in the big ceramic bowl you use for setting bread. The point is to get the stuffing the right consistency. Whether it contains sausage and apples or sage and celery your stuffing is probably going to be mainly breadcrumbs with something in them held together with a few eggs and some warm water or other liquid. You should be able to take a small handful of stuffing and have it cling together in a nice ball on your palm. It shouldn’t drip, or exude wetness when you squeeze it. Start with the neck section. Turn the bird belly up and fill the neck cavity loosely but firmly. Pull the flap of skin down over the stuffing and tuck it under the bird. Now flip the bird breast up on the rack and stuff the main cavity. Take a ball of stuffing a little smaller than your palm, and put it in. Then another, then another. Yes, you have to put your hand inside the bird - just do it. Keep pushing the previous bits of stuffing back in as you add new bits. Eventually it will be full. Now you need to either sew or skewer the opening shut (You did remember to buy one of those little turkey skewer kits, didn’t you?). Alternately, some birds now come with hard plastic or metal thingamabob that holds the ends of the legs in place over the cavity. This is fine, but try not to drop the bird on the floor while struggling to stick the leg ends back into the wire holder. If you do drop it, wash the outside thoroughly before putting it back on the rack. It will be our secret. No one else needs to know.
Your stuffed bird now needs to be coated with olive oil (use your hands and be sure to get the wings and the legs) and sprinkled with salt. Then it needs to be covered with foil – unless, of course, you got one of those really nifty covered turkey roasters, in which case you have about a fifty-fifty chance of actually getting the top on over the bird. And if you do get the top on (remember it has to go on without touching the bird anywhere) you may find that it is too large to fit in your oven. In which case you are back to aluminum foil like the rest of us. The turkey needs to be loosely covered with special attention to the wings and legs. The purpose of covering the turkey is to let it cook but not brown. If you cook it for four or five hours uncovered it will be dry and crackly instead of moist and golden. So cover the turkey and pop it in the oven at 350 degrees. Look at the clock. It should be exactly S/3 hours before T-1 (one hour before the time you want to serve dinner). You’ll need to take the foil off the turkey exactly one hour before you plan to take it out (that’s T-2).
Now it’s time to set your bread. Since you made the stuffing in the ceramic bread bowl, you will need to wash it before you can begin the bread. Remember that you deliberately planned it this way to cut down on dirty dishes later in the day. Prove your yeast and set your dough. If you need more instructions, let me know and I will post them. Cover the dough with a clean dishcloth and go sit down. You have about an hour to rest now, and it may be your last chance for the rest of the day so take advantage of it.
Thanksgiving dinner involves planning. You can do it in your head, or you can write it out on paper. The first few times, it really helps to have it written out. By the time you have grandchildren, you will be doing all the calculations and checklists automatically and your daughter-in-law will think you are a kitchen goddess. This is a good thing. But to start with, go ahead and write it down.
There is an equation that you use to get the turkey out to the table in all it’s golden glory just at the right moment. If you don’t do your math, then you may have the world’s most beautiful bird sitting getting cold in the kitchen for three hours before your guests arrive, or you may have your guests sitting around in the living room eating cold olives for three hours after they had planned to sit down and eat. This is the real reason that you go to school to learn math. Actually, it’s an open secret among planners of Thanksgiving dinners that while Avicenna was working his way to fame with treatises on mathematics the whole idea really started just watching his mother plan a holiday meal.
So here’s the magic calculation. Are you ready? All you really need to know to start is how many people are coming to dinner. This is the one critical number, call it “p”. You will need ½ pound of turkey per person. If you want leftovers, figure ¾ pound. I never knew anyone who didn’t want leftovers, so let’s work with ¾ pound. If you are having 16 people sit down to dinner, you need to multiply 16 people times ¾ pound each and plan to buy a 12 pound turkey. If ¾ pound apiece seems like a lot, remember that a good portion of each turkey is bone. Also remember turkey sandwiches with lots of mayo and celery salt. So here’s your formula: Number of people eating ( p ) times ¾ pound each equals size of turkey ( S ). P * ¾ = S
Now it is nearly impossible to buy a turkey that weighs less than ten pounds. This clearly indicates that you need at least twelve people sitting down to dinner to make the meal a success. You had always wondered why people flocked together for Thanksgiving dinner. Perhaps you thought of things like familial love, warm friendship, convivial company. Now you know. All those years that Susan and Henry were inviting you over for Thanksgiving dinner and you thought it was because they liked either you or your squash casserole - nope, it was to make up their turkey numbers. On the other hand, it’s also nearly impossible to buy a turkey larger than 24 pounds. That means that 32 people is about the top number that you can feed even with a giganto mega-turkey. Since few homes have oven space for more than one turkey, it’s pretty clear what the range of Thanksgiving diners should be. These numbers are not mystical and they aren’t subject to sentiment, they are simply mathematical. When you finish sighing over life’s disillusionment, let’s go on to the next step. P =/> 12 and =/<32
The next thing you need to know is when you want to serve dinner. Turkeys take 20 minutes per pound to cook - that’s three pounds an hour. You will need to take your turkey out of the oven one hour before you plan to sit down at the table. You already know S, the size of your turkey. Now you need to determine T, the time when you will serve dinner. Your next formula goes like this (T-1) - (S/3). That’s dinner time minus one hour minus the number of hours the turkey needs to cook (which you figure as the size of the turkey divided by 3). So say you have a 12 pound turkey and want to eat at 3pm. 3pm minus one hour is 2pm. 12 lbs/3 is four hours. Your turkey needs to go into the oven at 10am. That means you need to start your dinner preparations one hour earlier at 9am.
Since all is dependent on this crucial time, once you set your dinner hour you must enforce it vigorously. Even if Aunt Martha says she can’t make it until an hour later. Even if Cousin John wails about the football game starting at the same time. Look at all the factors involved (football, travel time, getting Ellen to the airport) and set your time. Once set, and the meal preparations begun, this time is cast in stone and cannot be altered or amended.
I usually make Thanksgiving dinner for 25 or more people. So I usually have a turkey that is at least 18 pounds. That means that if I want to sit down to dinner at 3pm, I need to have the bird in the oven by 8am. Which means being in the kitchen dressed and ready to start the stuffing at 7am. This is one of the reasons that Thanksgiving is not considered much of a “holiday” by most cooks. But now that you have your basic turkey cooking timetable, we can begin talking about actually cooking the meal.
One hour is a pretty good estimate of the time it will take to do the first two tasks on your list - stuff the turkey and set the bread. Start with the turkey. If your turkey is frozen at this point, I suggest that you declare yourself a vegetarian and begin explaining to the family that your sudden and miraculous conversion involves celebrating Thanksgiving with a vegetarian meal of potatoes, squash, roast corn, and pumpkin pie. Assuring that the turkey is -not- frozen on Thanksgiving morning involves even more pre-planning. You can buy a fresh turkey. To do this you need to call the meat department at your grocery store about two weeks before Thanksgiving and tell them how large a turkey you want and reserve it. You then need to phone them at least twice more to be sure that you are on their list. Pick up the turkey on Wednesday evening and keep it in the fridge overnight. This, of course, necessitates cleaning out the fridge on Tuesday night, but you really wanted to do that anyway to make room for the leftovers. If you don’t want to get your turkey fresh, then you need to plan time to thaw a frozen turkey. Forget all the special instructions about thawing it overnight in a sink full of cold water. Just plan ahead and move it from the freezer to the refrigerator on Monday morning. Set it on an inch high stack of newspaper covered with a few layers of paper towels. This will catch the juice as it melts and save you from having to wash out the refrigerator on Thursday morning when you should be chopping onions.
Okay, back to the turkey preparations. You have your nicely thawed dead bird. Take off the plastic. Wash the bird in cold water inside and out (both ends). While doing this, you will find a little bag of giblets and turkey neck stuffed inside the bird. Put them in the sink and deal with them later. Once the bird is washed, salt the inside liberally. Then set Mr. Bird on a rack in a large pan. I guess we better talk about the rack. You can buy a turkey roaster, or you can just buy a rack and use it in a large oven pan. If you think that Mr. Bird is going to fit into that 9” x 13” brownie pan, then it’s time to go back and do the vegetarian thing. Your pan needs to be an inch or two wider than the turkey on all sides. And you do need to have the turkey up on a rack so that it gets nice and brown and crispy all over rather than having the bottom half just boiling in the turkey juices. The rack also serves to let you lift the turkey out of the pan when it’s done - leaving you access to all the pan juices. Once you have tried to lift out a well-done turkey from a small pan half-filled with juice - well, you’ll just go buy a nice rack for next time.
With Mr. Bird sitting on his rack and looking pale and wan, it’s time to start the stuffing. There are millions of recipes for stuffing, and I don’t care which one you use as long as you remember to make it in the big ceramic bowl you use for setting bread. The point is to get the stuffing the right consistency. Whether it contains sausage and apples or sage and celery your stuffing is probably going to be mainly breadcrumbs with something in them held together with a few eggs and some warm water or other liquid. You should be able to take a small handful of stuffing and have it cling together in a nice ball on your palm. It shouldn’t drip, or exude wetness when you squeeze it. Start with the neck section. Turn the bird belly up and fill the neck cavity loosely but firmly. Pull the flap of skin down over the stuffing and tuck it under the bird. Now flip the bird breast up on the rack and stuff the main cavity. Take a ball of stuffing a little smaller than your palm, and put it in. Then another, then another. Yes, you have to put your hand inside the bird - just do it. Keep pushing the previous bits of stuffing back in as you add new bits. Eventually it will be full. Now you need to either sew or skewer the opening shut (You did remember to buy one of those little turkey skewer kits, didn’t you?). Alternately, some birds now come with hard plastic or metal thingamabob that holds the ends of the legs in place over the cavity. This is fine, but try not to drop the bird on the floor while struggling to stick the leg ends back into the wire holder. If you do drop it, wash the outside thoroughly before putting it back on the rack. It will be our secret. No one else needs to know.
Your stuffed bird now needs to be coated with olive oil (use your hands and be sure to get the wings and the legs) and sprinkled with salt. Then it needs to be covered with foil – unless, of course, you got one of those really nifty covered turkey roasters, in which case you have about a fifty-fifty chance of actually getting the top on over the bird. And if you do get the top on (remember it has to go on without touching the bird anywhere) you may find that it is too large to fit in your oven. In which case you are back to aluminum foil like the rest of us. The turkey needs to be loosely covered with special attention to the wings and legs. The purpose of covering the turkey is to let it cook but not brown. If you cook it for four or five hours uncovered it will be dry and crackly instead of moist and golden. So cover the turkey and pop it in the oven at 350 degrees. Look at the clock. It should be exactly S/3 hours before T-1 (one hour before the time you want to serve dinner). You’ll need to take the foil off the turkey exactly one hour before you plan to take it out (that’s T-2).
Now it’s time to set your bread. Since you made the stuffing in the ceramic bread bowl, you will need to wash it before you can begin the bread. Remember that you deliberately planned it this way to cut down on dirty dishes later in the day. Prove your yeast and set your dough. If you need more instructions, let me know and I will post them. Cover the dough with a clean dishcloth and go sit down. You have about an hour to rest now, and it may be your last chance for the rest of the day so take advantage of it.
